my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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