by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
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we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Even my vagina gasped.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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