Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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