I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
