mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I need moral support for this bender
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
