lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
