Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
