His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
