Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
