Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
