His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
