No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
