Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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