Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
