Jerry, you need to find god
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
