Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
