she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
