so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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