I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
