Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
