i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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