i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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