good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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