we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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