Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
