Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
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Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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