Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
