neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
