Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
