Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
