All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
false alarm. still invincible.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
