just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
