i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
