It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
why didn't you poke me back
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
