from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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