that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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