If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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