You really coming over, don't trick.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
