woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
