I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
