Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
