Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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