Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
