i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
