He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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