All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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