OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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