you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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