roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
