remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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