I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
