FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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